Surprised by Hope

A couple years ago a friend of mine gave me the book Surprised By Hope written by N.T. Wright. It quickly went on my shelf, as picking up any theological book post-semimary has proved to be difficult for me. This past week though, reflecting on the word "hope" and feeling a lack of it in my own life right now, I was drawn to the dusty title. I am about halfway through at this point and have so far found the information contained within its pages quite refreshing and enlightening--particularly Wright's views on eschatology--a subject not well discussed within my classrooms at Fuller.

I have been officiating a number of funerals lately and have had a difficult time declaring with certainty much about the afterlife. Wright has enabled me to think more about the centrality of Jesus' resurrection, a possible in-between resting place, and the bodily resurrection that will take place for us where we will live right here on a new earth. Growing up Baptist with many Sunday sermons about the rapture and tribulation timeline combined with the Mark IV films and Left Behind series, I have had a distorted, fear-filled view of death and the afterlife for quite some time. The pre-occupation with death that I have recently encountered lately has left me in a spiraled state of depression and hopelessness. Picking up Wright's book has been step one in a much needed process to distill my unhealthy fear of God and give me an answer to, "What is the point of all this?"  

Although the average person might have a difficult time understanding Wright's language without having the background of a Seminary education particularly an understanding of Doestism, Platonic views, and Gnostism--I recommend seeking out your Pastor to do a book study on this book. It's information may help to dispell both the religious right and the liberal laissez-faire. Thank you N.T. Wright for tackling this difficult and controversial topic. 

Freedom

"It is for freedom that Christ has set you free." Galatians 5:1

I have been using this verse for more than a decade on the middle school trips I lead to the Korean War Memorial in Washington, D.C. This Scriptural wisdom fits nicely with a quote found on the memorial "Freedom is Not Free". What a concept, FREEDOM. We talk about this idea constantly. It is a buzzword for Americans and our ideals but, what exactly does it mean? How wide is our freedom? How individualistic? How far can I use my freedom?

Approaching the book of Galatians with my women's bible study, I have come to understand this ideal a little better. When Paul expresses that "for freedom Christ has set us free" he is not speaking out of the individual, capitalistic, democracy in which we live. Instead he is speaking out of a communal context. Freedom looks very different when played out within the context of community. Freedom in our culture is often defined as doing what you want, as you want, with whom you want, when you want, etc. This does not take into consideration someone else's livlihood. The freedom Paul talks about is in context with the question, "How do we live without the law to guide us?". He responds with we are free by the Holy Spirit to love one another. Freedom is connected to love of neighbor.

What a different understanding of this American ideal. We are free in our country to make and spend as much money as we choose but, does that freedom love our neighbor? We are free to have multiple sex partners but, does that freedom love our neighbor? We are free to trash our environment but, does that freedom love our neighbor?  We are free to eat and drink as much as we desire but, does that freedom love our neighbor? I would say these questions and many others are worth considering within the Christian community and must be considered, not just from a moral, individualistic platform but, with a broader, communal vision of the world. The contortion of biblical freedom, in the name of Christ, that our nation has birthed is appalling! Statistics show that as 5% of the world's population we use 25% of the world's energy. It is high time for a revised definition of freedom.    

Somewhere in the Middle

Girl Before a Mirror by Pablo Picasso

Who is this girl and what is she feeling? On the left, a symbol of vibrancy, fertility, firmness--a time of richness and color--more sun than moon on face. This girl on the left reaching out to the future self she sees in the mirror, a self that is distorted and fading, a self that feels irrelevant and diminished. In a world, where youth is god and wisdom is null and void, how do we, as women, unite these two selves? The past and the future, the was and will be, the external and the internal, the immortal and the mortal.

I spend so much time with older women, aged women, beautiful women who are marginalized and invisible. Perhaps this song by Dar Williams, "You're Aging Well" will minister to your soul.

Why is it that as we grow older and stronger

The road signs point us adrift and make us afraid

Saying, "You never can win," "Watch your back," "Where's your husband?"

Oh I don't like the signs that the sign makers made.

So I'm going to steal out with my paint and my brushes

I'll change the directions, I'll hit every street

It's the Tinseltown scandal, the Robin Hood vandal

She goes out and steals the King's English

And in the morning you wake up and the signs point to you

They say,

"I'm so glad that you finally made it here,"

"You thought nobody cared, but I did, I could tell,"

And "This is your year," and "It always starts here,"

And oh, "You're aging well."

Well I know a woman with a collections of sticks

She could fight back the hundreds of voices she heard

And she could poke at the greed, she could fend off her need

And with anger she found she could pound every word.

But one voice got through, caught her up by surprise

It said, "Don't hold us back we're the story you tell,"

And no sooner than spoken, a spell had been broken

And the voices before her were trumpets and tympani

Violins, basses and woodwinds and cellos, singing

"We're so glad that you finally made it here

You thought nobody cared, but we did, we could tell

And now you'll dance through your days while the orchestra plays

And oh, you're aging well."

Now when I was fifteen, oh I knew it was over

The road to enchantment was not mine to take

'Cause lower calf, upper arm should be half what they are

I was breaking the laws that the sign makers made

And all I could eat was the poisonous apple

And that's not at story I was meant to survive

I was all out of choices, but the woman of voices

She turned round the corner with music around her,

She gave me the language that keeps me alive, she said

"I'm so glad that you finally made it here

With the things you know now, that only time could tell

Looking back, seeing far, landing right where we are

And oh, you're aging, oh, and I am aging, oh, aren't we aging well?"

Soul in Leadership?

I have to admit I bought the book, Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership by Ruth Haley Barton, almost three years ago at a Pastor's Conference and have had a difficult time taking it off my shelf. I suppose the whole Willow Creek model has tainted my perspective on anyone that has come from that movement. I have also met Barton in the past at a small gathering of CCO staff and wasn't impressed. She fit exactly what I thought the mold might look like. Through stage right...judgment and projection.

I have been reading her book on my study leave, thinking I might gain some insight on how to supervise the program staff at my church better and lo and behold, the book actually has some depth. It is primarily about solitude. I suppose I didn't expect anyone from such a large, non-denominational church movement to know anything about the spiritual disciplines or to care, as a matter of fact. I suppose I see such movements as too flashy, too big, too production-oriented. Barton though hits it spot on (as far as I have gotten in the pages) talking about leading from within (to borrow a phrase from Parker Palmer) and particularly how our inner journey is the most important thing we should focus on in leading others. At the end of each chapter she has been quoting from "Guerrillas of Grace" and she also provides spiritual exercises to help one "be still". All of this is woven into the story of Moses and his calling. I particularly have enjoyed the section that talks about vocation which mirrors The Path by Laurie Beth Jones.

Yet, how one should embody such "soul" in daily life is still to be determined. It seems that no matter how much I put my shoulder to the wind and walk with determination, wildly chanting, "I will not become stressed, I will remain deep", the wind, or rather the hurricane, always wins. Somehow the torrent of "normal life" has a way of overpowering. Even when I feel centered on a conscious level, I know I am sub-consciously fighting as I lie awake in bed staring at the ceiling beckoning sleep to come. Perhaps, therein lies the problem, the "I's" in the above paragraph versus the depth of God's call upon our lives. The size of the torrential rain is not the indicator of storm damage on our selves but, whether one has a child's umbrella for protection or is watching the rain through the window of a temperature-controlled charter bus. When God calls, being equipped is God's problem not ours. What we have to allow is a space for solitude--deep breaths, pauses, shut-down buttons. These moments are the moments of equipping--the strengthening of our souls.       

God in the Old and the New

Just the other day I had a brief conversation with a friend about the seemingly irreconcilable contradiction of the God of the Old Testament and the God of the New. As my friend spoke so eloquently about those "poor Jewish people", she made a comment, "it seems like the rules have changed". In the Old Testament God desires that they be exclusive and rule-bound and then Jesus comes on the scene and starts holding people accountable for this taught exclusivity and loyalty to the law. I would suspect, if many were honest, we have wondered the same thing. So, here's my take on it.

When you are a child you see your parents rather one-dimensionally. They are the forces in your life that set boundaries by giving you both permission and roadblocks. You love them dearly but, you also only know one aspect of the them--who they are as your parents. Their primary responsibility in your childhood is to make sure you grow up well. They protect you, guide you, and teach you which, at times feels unfair and rather constrictive. But, when you get older your view of your parents shifts a bit. They don't have to be your guide anymore, instead they can become your friend and, as a result, you see a different side of them. That doesn't mean the side of them that corrects and sets boundaries ceases to exist, its function is simply no longer necessary.

The same is true of God. God doesn't change but, we do. If we can for a moment get out of our individual view of the world and see ourselves as part of a larger humanity, that is the "we" of which I speak. I really appreciate this same perspective, with different illustrations, being offered by Brian McClaren in "A New Kind of Christianity". The recognition that theology evolves throughout the Scriptures is a hard one for many to grasp but, it is undeniably true. We change, we grow, and so have people throughout time--the very people that wrote the Scriptures. Something to chew on.

Grace...part 2

We are in our third week in the study of Grace and I am still looking for pat answers to the question of "what is it?!?". I am looking for pat answers because that is what I have been given over the years--that there is one definition for grace---Jesus. And, while that may be true--it is also not unpacked nor does it require much thought other than deflection. This week the study I prepared was on grace's connection to sin--more specifically where did we get the concept of "original sin" and how does free will play into our lives if all is covered by grace and led by grace, etc. Where does my role come in or am I never held responsible because I am too tainted or depraved to do anything good? This leads ultimately back to Augustine and from there to Paul (and if you read my other posts you will know how I feel about him). As much as I disdain Paul at times, Augustine takes the cake in the abhorrence category (so to speak) for me.

When I sat down to read Augustine's confessions--I was so utterly overcome by sorrow, guilt, and darkness that I ended up in the hospital (literally). Augustine paints a bleak picture of the human condition (not to mention the bleak picture of women) that leaves you without hope. There is purpose in this as that lack of hope leads you to the ONLY hope--Christ himself--resting on his grace to draw you to himself and pump life into putrid veins.

Yet, before the fall in Genesis chapter 3, there was hope. More than hope...there was goodness found in the creation. In was woven into the very fabric of the universe and the atoms of the human person. Since grace seems to be larger, more magnificent, and grander than sin ever has been (why else would it be able to annihilate death in the form of Jesus) than when sin entered the world--grace and goodness still remained. Sin wasn't enough to kill grace and goodness off just taint and subdue it. So...grace and blessing preceded sin and therefore followed sin as well. Are we therefore not totally depraved as Augustine has decided and we have adopted in the Western Church? I can't answer that but I can say that it is still by grace that we move. Whether before or after the fall it is all still grace. Totally depraved or just tainted--any goodness is still grace. Therefore any responsibility of mine still is rooted in grace and my response is still proceeded by grace. Can grace exist without sin? If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one there to hear it does it make a sound? Of course, although it might be unrecognizable. The fall helped us to see it, perhaps helped us to lean into it, to call it by name, to embrace it, and to respond with thanksgiving. Prior to the fall, it just was.   

Grace

What is grace exactly? Where does it come from? Is it preceded by something? Does it stand alone? These are all questions I hope to answer in the bible study I am leading with the women of my church this fall. Upon reflection, the term "grace" is rather a well used term in our culture, at least in Christian circles. It is also one of the few terms that isn't fraught with an abundance of baggage. In fact, grace seems to be something those in the church and those outside of the church can agree is a good thing, something that connects us to a higher being and forms the basis for inclusion. But, what exactly is it?

It is clear that Paul uses the term a lot by connecting it to the law and to sin (missing the mark). It seems to be randomly bestowed and granted and is necessary as a precursor to even being received. The Greek word for grace, charis, is found in the words "charisma" and "character" which means it has something to do with natural talent (a gift of personality) and a working out (obedience/will). It is also clear through Paul that its presence in our lives has nothing to do with us.

When I was in seminary, sometime during my second year, not unlike a lot of my classmates, I began to question whether or not the God that I had committed my life to even existed. I have always been drawn to sociology and this interest, combined with the deconstruction of the Scriptures that was taking place in the classroom, led me to the conclusion that it was possible that religion was created solely to prop up those that are weak. At that point, I dropped out of the process to become an ordained minister and began to look for a career that didn't involve such a dicotomy. I am not sure what brought me out of that head space--no specific person, no particular book, no enlightened experience--just "grace". I felt a call, a tug, to keep walking. And movement is what ensued. It wasn't a movement that was fighting to hold on, but rather an open movement, with arms wide, wanting the truth. That movement led me right back to the arms of God.

That is the thing about grace. "It was grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relived". It goes before, is present in the middle, and follows after. It is all around us, for no apparant reason, except that we have a God that desires to bestow it out of perfect love. So, we bestow it to the "other" as well. Whoever that may be in our world. I am not sure why some stand in God's favor and others do not. But, I do know wallowing in that question makes that words from the book of Jonah 2:8 make sense, "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs". Oftentimes my idol is my own brain, intellect or even the questions themselves, yet look what I forfeit--the beauty of grace.

Let's see where this leads and what we learn.