Grace...part 2

We are in our third week in the study of Grace and I am still looking for pat answers to the question of "what is it?!?". I am looking for pat answers because that is what I have been given over the years--that there is one definition for grace---Jesus. And, while that may be true--it is also not unpacked nor does it require much thought other than deflection. This week the study I prepared was on grace's connection to sin--more specifically where did we get the concept of "original sin" and how does free will play into our lives if all is covered by grace and led by grace, etc. Where does my role come in or am I never held responsible because I am too tainted or depraved to do anything good? This leads ultimately back to Augustine and from there to Paul (and if you read my other posts you will know how I feel about him). As much as I disdain Paul at times, Augustine takes the cake in the abhorrence category (so to speak) for me.

When I sat down to read Augustine's confessions--I was so utterly overcome by sorrow, guilt, and darkness that I ended up in the hospital (literally). Augustine paints a bleak picture of the human condition (not to mention the bleak picture of women) that leaves you without hope. There is purpose in this as that lack of hope leads you to the ONLY hope--Christ himself--resting on his grace to draw you to himself and pump life into putrid veins.

Yet, before the fall in Genesis chapter 3, there was hope. More than hope...there was goodness found in the creation. In was woven into the very fabric of the universe and the atoms of the human person. Since grace seems to be larger, more magnificent, and grander than sin ever has been (why else would it be able to annihilate death in the form of Jesus) than when sin entered the world--grace and goodness still remained. Sin wasn't enough to kill grace and goodness off just taint and subdue it. So...grace and blessing preceded sin and therefore followed sin as well. Are we therefore not totally depraved as Augustine has decided and we have adopted in the Western Church? I can't answer that but I can say that it is still by grace that we move. Whether before or after the fall it is all still grace. Totally depraved or just tainted--any goodness is still grace. Therefore any responsibility of mine still is rooted in grace and my response is still proceeded by grace. Can grace exist without sin? If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one there to hear it does it make a sound? Of course, although it might be unrecognizable. The fall helped us to see it, perhaps helped us to lean into it, to call it by name, to embrace it, and to respond with thanksgiving. Prior to the fall, it just was.   

Grace

What is grace exactly? Where does it come from? Is it preceded by something? Does it stand alone? These are all questions I hope to answer in the bible study I am leading with the women of my church this fall. Upon reflection, the term "grace" is rather a well used term in our culture, at least in Christian circles. It is also one of the few terms that isn't fraught with an abundance of baggage. In fact, grace seems to be something those in the church and those outside of the church can agree is a good thing, something that connects us to a higher being and forms the basis for inclusion. But, what exactly is it?

It is clear that Paul uses the term a lot by connecting it to the law and to sin (missing the mark). It seems to be randomly bestowed and granted and is necessary as a precursor to even being received. The Greek word for grace, charis, is found in the words "charisma" and "character" which means it has something to do with natural talent (a gift of personality) and a working out (obedience/will). It is also clear through Paul that its presence in our lives has nothing to do with us.

When I was in seminary, sometime during my second year, not unlike a lot of my classmates, I began to question whether or not the God that I had committed my life to even existed. I have always been drawn to sociology and this interest, combined with the deconstruction of the Scriptures that was taking place in the classroom, led me to the conclusion that it was possible that religion was created solely to prop up those that are weak. At that point, I dropped out of the process to become an ordained minister and began to look for a career that didn't involve such a dicotomy. I am not sure what brought me out of that head space--no specific person, no particular book, no enlightened experience--just "grace". I felt a call, a tug, to keep walking. And movement is what ensued. It wasn't a movement that was fighting to hold on, but rather an open movement, with arms wide, wanting the truth. That movement led me right back to the arms of God.

That is the thing about grace. "It was grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relived". It goes before, is present in the middle, and follows after. It is all around us, for no apparant reason, except that we have a God that desires to bestow it out of perfect love. So, we bestow it to the "other" as well. Whoever that may be in our world. I am not sure why some stand in God's favor and others do not. But, I do know wallowing in that question makes that words from the book of Jonah 2:8 make sense, "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs". Oftentimes my idol is my own brain, intellect or even the questions themselves, yet look what I forfeit--the beauty of grace.

Let's see where this leads and what we learn.
       

A Revisit with Romans

As a teenager I couldn't get enough of the book of Romans. Within its pages Paul proclaims the road to salvation. In short, we all have sinned, we deserve death, Jesus died for us in that death, acknowledging his act on a cross will bring us salvation. Good stuff. But, sometime over the past decade I have become disillusioned with Paul and feel, in many ways, angst towards his writings. He represents a bad interpretation of Christ at times. His theology is moody and he speaks in terms that I can't relate to or choose not to relate to. So, I put him down five years ago and decided to move on to different pastures. To see what Christ had to say, his ancestors in the Old Testament, and other New Testament writers. Needless to say, I have learned a lot.

But then a strange thing happened a couple of months ago. I picked up the book of Romans and decided to revisit my old friend and strangely enough the landscape looked different upon my arrival. What used to breed contempt, disdain, and guilt proved to be a life-giving oasis in my journey of faith. Romans, with a different backdrop, propelled me to embrace my sin.

Embrace sin? You heard me. I grew up in a traditional that was very much "hell, fire, and brimstone" so to me sin has always been a dirty word. A word that is followed by guilt, feelings of condemnation, and anxiety. This perception of sin has kept me out of a lot of trouble over the years. This perception kept me on my knees. By I was on my knees out of fear--fear of losing or fear of death, etc. My knees were worn because of my own selfish desires. I took a hiatus from sin when I left for seminary. No, I didn't become less of a sinner but I tried to ignore it for awhile. My mantra became "grace". I turned a blind eye to short-comings, stopped repenting, became shallow to be fair but had a really good, albeit it disconnected, time. But, alas, grace without understanding sin is meaningless. And here I am, "the one thing I understand is sin" so grace I get and to some extent that is true. But when I picked up Romans a couple of months ago, sin took on a whole different meaning.

Without acknowledgment of sin there is no forgiveness. In that statement I see the truth. Forgiveness. I repent, confess, pray because without those things I can't experience the forgiveness of God (or anyone elses' forgiveness for that matter). So why do I need forgiveness? Because the acid in my stomach screams to me that I want relief; I want freedom. Freedom is found through forgiveness. Galatians 5 even tells us that it is for freedom that Christ has set us free.

In recent years I have thought that the ultimate goal in life is peace or contentment. I strive for such things--avoiding places of struggle, going to therapy, yoga, drinking wine, etc. I have discovered though that seeking the gift, as a Buddhist would do, makes me miss the Giver of the gift. I worship the Giver. That Giver extends forgiveness which results in peace, contentment, etc but requires that I acknowledge and embrace my sin. So, we go back to Paul and the book of Romans. All have sinned, we deserve death, Jesus has saved us from that death, and all we have to do is repent and acknowledge him and we will be saved. Repentance is not just for a future tomorrow but for a peaceful today. Forgiveness is a beautiful cleansing, the smell of sheets hanging on a clothesline in spring, the sun rising after the rain, dew on green grass, the wind whipping my face as I ride the waves of the Delaware with my stepfather. Such a joy to rediscover Romans in a new light as it is not Paul that has changed but me.